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Facing refusal, particularly when it occurs frequently, is far from pleasant. A publisher is turning you down, delivering a definite “Not interested.” As a writer, I am familiar with rejection. I commenced pitching manuscripts five decades ago, just after college graduation. Since then, I have had multiple books rejected, along with article pitches and countless short stories. During the recent 20 years, focusing on op-eds, the denials have grown more frequent. In a typical week, I receive a rejection every few days—totaling in excess of 100 each year. Overall, rejections in my profession number in the thousands. By now, I might as well have a PhD in rejection.

But, is this a woe-is-me tirade? Absolutely not. As, finally, at 73 years old, I have accepted rejection.

How Have I Accomplished It?

For perspective: At this point, just about every person and their relatives has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never tracked my win-lose ratio—doing so would be quite demoralizing.

For example: not long ago, an editor turned down 20 submissions in a row before accepting one. Back in 2016, no fewer than 50 editors rejected my book idea before a single one approved it. Subsequently, 25 agents passed on a nonfiction book proposal. One editor suggested that I submit articles only once a month.

The Steps of Setback

Starting out, each denial were painful. I took them personally. It seemed like my work was being turned down, but me as a person.

As soon as a submission was rejected, I would go through the “seven stages of rejection”:

• Initially, shock. What went wrong? How could editors be overlook my skill?
• Next, denial. Certainly it’s the incorrect submission? This must be an administrative error.
• Then, dismissal. What do they know? Who made you to decide on my labours? It’s nonsense and their outlet is subpar. I deny your no.
• After that, frustration at those who rejected me, then anger at myself. Why do I subject myself to this? Could I be a masochist?
• Fifth, bargaining (often seasoned with false hope). What does it require you to see me as a exceptional creator?
• Then, despair. I’m not talented. What’s more, I can never become accomplished.

So it went through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Great Precedents

Of course, I was in fine fellowship. Tales of writers whose work was initially rejected are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was first rejected. If they could overcome rejection, then possibly I could, too. Michael Jordan was dropped from his youth squad. Most American leaders over the recent history had earlier failed in elections. The actor-writer says that his movie pitch and attempt to appear were rejected numerous times. He said rejection as someone blowing a bugle to motivate me and get going, instead of giving up,” he stated.

Acceptance

Later, when I entered my later years, I entered the final phase of setback. Peace. Currently, I grasp the many reasons why someone says no. Firstly, an reviewer may have just published a similar piece, or have something underway, or simply be thinking about something along the same lines for a different writer.

Alternatively, less promisingly, my pitch is uninteresting. Or maybe the editor thinks I don’t have the experience or standing to succeed. Perhaps isn’t in the business for the content I am peddling. Maybe was busy and scanned my piece hastily to see its quality.

You can call it an realization. Everything can be declined, and for numerous reasons, and there is almost nothing you can do about it. Certain explanations for denial are permanently beyond your control.

Within Control

Others are within it. Honestly, my proposals may from time to time be flawed. They may not resonate and resonance, or the message I am struggling to articulate is not compelling enough. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe something about my punctuation, especially dashes, was unacceptable.

The key is that, despite all my long career and setbacks, I have managed to get published in many places. I’ve authored several titles—the initial one when I was middle-aged, another, a memoir, at older—and in excess of a thousand pieces. My writings have appeared in magazines large and small, in local, national and global platforms. My debut commentary was published decades ago—and I have now written to that publication for 50 years.

Yet, no bestsellers, no book signings at major stores, no features on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no prizes, no big awards, no Nobel, and no national honor. But I can more readily take rejection at my age, because my, small successes have eased the blows of my setbacks. I can now be philosophical about it all now.

Valuable Setbacks

Rejection can be instructive, but only if you heed what it’s attempting to show. Otherwise, you will likely just keep taking rejection the wrong way. So what insights have I learned?

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